Validation
Communicate that someone's experience makes sense.
Purpose
Helps reduce conflict, build trust, and support connection without necessarily agreeing.
What it Means
Validation means recognising that a person's feelings, thoughts, or actions make sense in some way, given their experience, history, or situation. Validation is not the same as agreement or approval.
Ways to Validate
1
Pay Attention
Listen with your full attention and show that you are present.
2
Reflect Back
Repeat or summarise what you heard to show understanding.
3
Read Between the Lines
Notice feelings that may not have been said directly.
4
Understand Causes
Acknowledge how the person's history or current situation could make their response understandable.
5
Acknowledge the Valid
Find the part that makes sense, even if you disagree with other parts.
6
Show Equality
Treat the person as capable and equal, not fragile or inferior.
Example
I can see why that upset you. You were expecting support, and it felt like you were left alone with it.
Tips
- You can validate emotions without agreeing with behaviour.
- Validation often works best before problem solving.
- Self-validation is also important.
Common Pitfalls
- Jumping too quickly to advice.
- Saying "I understand" without showing what you understand.
- Validating the invalid, such as harmful behaviour.
- Treating validation as a script rather than genuine listening.
Try It Now
1
Think of someone who is upset.
2
Ask, "What part of their reaction makes sense?"
3
Write one validating sentence.
When to use
Conflict
Supporting someone
Repairing relationships
Strong emotions
Misunderstandings