FAST
Maintain your self-respect.
Purpose
Helps you communicate in a way that fits your values and preserves self-respect.
Steps
1
Fair
Be fair to yourself and the other person.
2
No Unnecessary Apologies
Do not apologise for having needs, opinions, limits, or values.
3
Stick to Values
Stay connected to what matters to you. Do not abandon your values to get approval or avoid discomfort.
4
Truthful
Be honest. Avoid exaggerating, making excuses, or pretending to feel differently than you do.
Example
I understand this is inconvenient, but I cannot take that on this week. I need to keep that time free.
Tips
- FAST is especially useful when guilt or fear of disapproval is strong.
- Respecting yourself does not require being harsh.
- Saying no clearly can be kinder than agreeing resentfully.
Common Pitfalls
- Apologising for having a boundary.
- Saying yes to avoid short-term discomfort.
- Using honesty as an excuse to be hurtful.
- Ignoring the other person's needs completely.
Try It Now
1
Name one boundary or value that matters to you.
2
Write one truthful sentence that protects it.
3
Remove any unnecessary apology from the sentence.
When to use
Boundary setting
Pressure from others
Saying no
Guilt
People pleasing
Values conflict