DEAR MAN
Ask for what you want or say no effectively.
Purpose
Helps you communicate clearly while staying focused on your objective.
Steps
1
Describe
Describe the situation using clear facts. Avoid exaggeration, blame, or judgment.
2
Express
Say how you feel or what you believe about the situation.
3
Assert
Clearly ask for what you want or clearly say no.
4
Reinforce
Explain the positive outcome or benefit of responding to your request.
5
Mindful
Stay focused on your goal. Do not get pulled into attacks, distractions, or side issues.
6
Appear Confident
Use a steady voice, eye contact if appropriate, and clear body language.
7
Negotiate
Be willing to problem-solve, offer alternatives, or find a workable compromise.
Example
When plans change at the last minute, I feel stressed because I need time to adjust. Could you let me know earlier next time? It would help me stay calmer and enjoy the plans more.
Tips
- Know your main objective before the conversation.
- Keep the request specific and realistic.
- Practise the wording ahead of time if the conversation feels difficult.
Common Pitfalls
- Hinting instead of asking clearly.
- Apologising so much that the request becomes unclear.
- Getting pulled into unrelated arguments.
- Trying to win rather than communicate effectively.
Try It Now
1
Choose one request or boundary.
2
Write one sentence for Describe.
3
Write one sentence for Assert.
4
Practise saying it out loud once.
When to use
Asking for something
Saying no
Setting boundaries
Negotiating
Making a request
Handling conflict